Facebook began as a simple communication tool. A way to stay in touch with your friends near and far, strengthen those fun in-school friendships, and a way to haplessly flirt with as many people as possible. In college it became a platform to discuss classes, organize events, and show others you were having fun.
Facebook is now a cess pool of cat videos, moms complaining about their neighbors, and people you went to high school with debating politics like they weren’t the ones who abstained from voting in your high school’s elections. Facebook needs reform.
There are only three things Facebook truly needs: small event organizing so I can know when parties are going down, photo albums where people tag me so I can look back at myself at the party, and birthday reminders since the parties are usually of birthday nature.
But should I say happy birthday on Facebook? In recent years, our birthday wish numbers on Facebook have been dwindling and this is a sad sight to see. Getting wished happy birthday used to be the pinnacle of relationships. Now it’s stories on Instagram and I miss seeing a number on my screen to tell me how much people love me. In order to bring happy birthday: should I wish them a happy birthday. You’re welcome.
The Birthday List
Your high school friend who you don’t communicate with anymore: Give them a happy birthday. You have no reason to ever come into contact and regale yourselves about the olden days with them anymore but that person was a major part of your life. Brighten their day with a lil happy bday
The older kid you sat next to in math class in 11th grade that you made laugh every day: Send them a happy bday. You can pretend they reminisced about the jokes you told and feel good about yourself.
Your freshman year roommate that you hated: Do it. Make them think you’re over it even though you’re not. Make them think that your relationship meant something to them. Most importantly, make them think you’ve grown up.
Your first college love: Read entry above.
Your college friends: If you aren’t in contact with your college friends, this is a great way to remind them that you’re alive and remind them of the times where you almost died of alcohol poisioning.
Friends in the groupchat that you met after it was acceptable to add people on Facebook: It’s always acceptable to add Facebook friends. Smash that add friend button.
People who have ghosted you: This person didn’t even have the balls to tell you it was over so why should you wish them a happy birthday? Because you never ended things and wishing someone a happy birthday is the right thing to do when you’re in a relationship
Close Friends: Find a photo of you guys celebrating something and say “We’ll be celebrating tonight! Happy Bday luv”. Sharing photos is the best way to remember you’ve grown older and less dumb.
Your mom: She wants a birthday shout out like no other. This will look so good for her in front of all her friends. Plus she loves you a lot. Give her a full “Happy Birthday!!! I love you Mom” for the whole world to see. She deserves it.
Happy Birthday wishes make the world go ‘round.
Happy Birthday to you.
